Post by Die Lobsterguy on May 19, 2014 14:56:43 GMT -4
Okay. So. Whoo. First time doing an episode guide. First time doing this much writing in a while, too. Now, I gotta level with you guys, I haven’t watched Pokemon in like, four years so I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I was fifteen minutes into a P90-X infomercial before I found out I was on the wrong channel. And that the show isn’t usually on at 3 AM on a Tuesday. So, I’m gonna do my best here.
As our episode begins the camera pans down from the sky over a mountain range, and we hear Ash cheer on his Froakie between the sounds of explosions as Froakie shoots… Something… At these trees.
TV-Y7 my ass.
Ash then commands Froakie to use Bubble. Froakie, so confident in his abilities, doesn’t even need to keep his eyes open as he does, just doing all this balla-ass acrobatic shit and shooting bubbles like some obnoxious parade clown without even opening his eyelids (or maybe its pupils are just horizontal? I mean look at its eyes. Clearly no eyelids).
Then he finishes with a Water Pulse that he fires at a boulder atop a cliff, which manages to split it in two. All this he manages to do with his eyes shut. Clearly this Froakie is HOT shit!
Oh wait it’s a water type never mind that that didn’t work
Suddenly, a voice calls out to Ash and Froakie from behind, “You still have much work to do…” Finally finding a reason to open his eyes, Froakie hones in on the voice and reacts how anyone would, by shooting white goo in the general area of danger.
You know I came in not knowing how I was gonna pick out dodgy shit in this show but it practically writes itself.
Froakie’s frog-goo reveals the source of the voice- a ninja!
Oh yes, I’ve read about the classic ninja art of “blow your cover and then take a direct hit from the target you’re spying on”. Clearly the writers have brushed up on their ninjutsu.
I was gonna make a joke here about me not knowing who Clemont, Serena and Bonnie were and confusing them with Brock, Dawn and Max but then I realized it wasn’t gonna be funny so I didn’t do it. Actually that’s the entire reason I wrote that intro paragraph. I don’t want there to be any secrets between you and I, dear reader.
Anyway Bonnie surprisingly exclaims that he’s a ninja. The ninja then performs another classic ninja skill; shouting out the name of your attack. “And now, NINJA LEAF SHROUD!” I’m starting to wonder if this dude’s actually a ninja or is just a TV version of that weird kid from high school who watched too much anime.
Whew I just reached two pages in Word and I’ve only got- fuck I’m not even a minute into this.
Ash then gives us the most awkward segue into the (surprisingly rockin’) theme song as he exclaims that the ninja disappeared. Little does Ash know that he’s about to receive…
The gang of twerps stares dumbfounded at the tree the ninja was camouflaged at, wondering where he could have gone. Everyone except Froakie, that is. Froakie stopped giving a shit already (I usually stop caring about people after I shoot white goo on them, too).
The ninja blows his cover a second fucking time when he decides to shake around in the very noisy bush he’s hiding in, causing Froakie to react by shooting his frubbles at it (I’m done with these “white goo” jokes and I’m just gonna call those frubbles what they are, I’m not gonna top that last joke), but then the bush counters with its own frubbles! Ash and Froakie run to the bush. Ash finds nothing, but Froakie seems to know out of instinct to shoot the pile of leaves right next to them (is it next to them? I can’t fucking tell). Before his attack connects, something hops out of the leaves, and right up into a tree!
“Frog.”
“Who’s THAT Pokemon?” Ash asks. I don’t know either, but I bet it’s gonna be the centerpoint of this episode.
Ash pulls out his Pokedex, which tells him that it’s Frogadier, the Bubble Frog Pokemon, and the evolved form of Froakie. Ya see, this here’s good writing. Notice how they didn’t make Frogadier say its whole name, just “Frog”? Because if he said his whole name and then had Ash’s Pokedex explain it to you again, it would come off as patronizing to the viewer. These are the sort of literary tricks I look for in children’s shows, like that episode of Barney that argues for the finer points of Communism. I wrote a term paper on that. It was a work of genius but I got an F on it because every part of it was made up.
Not even two minutes in yet FUCK ME.
The Pokedex entry goes on to say that Frogadier’s speed is unmatched, and that it can climb a tower over 2,000 feet tall in only one minute. What it doesn’t say is that Frogadier wrote his own Pokedex entry.
“The evolved form of Froakie?” Ash wonders, looking down at Froakie, imagining that he could be the proud owner of a beast as magnificent as that sexy Frogadier. Just to show off how much better he is than Froakie, Frogadier also does an impressive acrobatic display without the use of his eyesight, with this clearly not-by-the-books ninja soon following suit, easily impressing Bonnie.
The ninja introduces himself as Sanpei, as he displays his third ancient ninja art, hanging out in broad daylight in ninja gear, telling people your name, and also saying that you’re a ninja (adding that he’s “young and skillful”, though I bet only one of those is true).
Everyone in the group is as impressed over Sanpei as a Freshman girl dating a guy with his driver’s license, and Ash requests that his Froakie and Sanpei’s Frogadier battle. Sanpei acts like a smug bitch (again, kinda like those dudes in high school who watched too much anime) and suggests that Ash’s Froakie isn’t skilled enough to battle Frogadier. This immediately sets off Ash and his Froakie, and they DEMAND a battle against Sanpei. Only about 150 seconds in and we already got shit poppin’ off here.
The battle is about to begin against the background of a crashing waterfall (which symbolizes power, I guess) as Clemont refs on the side.
Y’know, I never thought about it before, but I find it fascinating how many Gym Leaders Ash has made into his fucking water boy. He did it to Brock and I guess he did it to Cilan, and now he’s done it to Clemont (which I realized I’ve been pronouncing wrong this whole time). I bet he doesn’t even need to tell him to do this, he’s just sorta trained him by now. Is a referee even necessary in a friendly battle like this? No, Ash is just doing this to make sure he keeps ‘em in check.
Anyway the battle starts.
Pikachu is oddly in this shot despite not being the one to fight.
Sanpei, so confident in his abilities, lets Ash make the first move. Ash commands Froakie to use Bubble, and Sanpei commands his Frogadier dodge it. Frogadier then runs out of the line of fire and jumps into a tree, and Serena gasps at the frog’s speed (because you need a lot of effort to dodge Bubbles, I guess?). Ash decides to compete with Frogadier’s speed and tells Froakie to chase after it and use Pound, but Frogadier dodges again!
I wanna get a tally going of every time someone tells their Pokemon to dodge in this show. When am I gonna get to dodge everything in the games, huh? When, Obama? WHEN?
Froakie continues to chase after Frogadier and they do that “ninjas running though tree branches” shot that they all do. Froakie tries hitting Frogadier with a Water Pulse, but Frogadier vanishes with SmokeScreen, which gives Sanpei more shit to be smug about. Ash tells Froakie to concentrate and try to hone in on Frogadier. Froakie closes his eyes and does some Daredevil shit to try to sense his surroundings. Froakie hones in on something, and then fires off a Water Pulse!
Guess Froakie’s pretty good at finding wood, huh? Ha ha, ha, heh. Heh. Ughhhh…
God I’m not gonna do a play-by-play of this. Frogadier jumps out of the lake and then makes quick work of Froakie, first by outdoing every attack that Froakie throws at it, and then by taking it out with an impressive Quick Attack. Sanpei declares the battle to be over, saying that no one has ever been able to take a hit from his Frogadier’s Quick Attack and continue battling (it probably helps him if he’s the one who always declares the battle to be over). Meanwhile Frogadier takes not of what Sanpei just said. He’s gonna call the place in charge of PokeDex records and make sure they add that to his.
Froakie decides he ain’t havin’ any of that shit though, and staggers back up to his feet, insisting on continuing the fight. Sanpei, even though he was the one to declare the match over, orders Frogadier to hit him with Quick Attack again, then instantly regrets his decision as he gets Froakie out of the way with another Ninja Leaf Shroud.
Ash takes the loss rather tough. As he’s nursing Froakie back to health, Ash apologizes to his Pokemon, saying the reason they lost is because he couldn’t come up with a good enough strategy. Sanpei, who’s still here for some reason, comes right up to Ash and agrees with him. I can’t think of anything clever to say here but honestly? Fuck this guy.
Before Ash loses his shit Sanpei comes up and offers Ash an Energy Root compound to give to Froakie to make him heal faster. Is it really smart for them to be showing Ash just accepting herbs from a stranger? Last time I did that I lost a kidney.
Fortunately Froakie keeps his kidneys (frog ones aren’t so valuable), but he reacts the same way that I did.
Sanpei and his Frogadier are about to leave, probably needing to get to their Anime Club meeting, when Ash stops him. Swallowing his pride, Ash says “Please… Show me how you did it.”
Oh, he’s talking about Frogadier’s Quick Attack. Context is really important for that line, especially considering I’m a pervert.
Ash asks Sanpei to teach his Froakie how to use Quick Attack the same way his Frogadier did, going so far as to bow his head in respect as he asks this. Froakie follows suit, but I’m not sure he likes it.
Sanpei accepts their request, but warns them that his training methods are very strict, but this doesn’t deter Ash. Bonnie then interjects and says she wants to be a ninja, too. Serena says to leave that to her.
It’s a good thing Serena had these on her (?) This is also the first and last time Serena does anything worthwhile this episode, while Bonnie gets the prestigious part of “filling up dead air”.
Beginning their training regimen, Sanpei says that it’s important to develop strong, flexible muscles in order to effectively use Quick Attack.
Hey guys real talk for a minute here? Don’t drink and drive. I’m not the preachy type but we got a call for a car accident by some drunk chick just now while I was in the middle of writing this and it totally ruined my flow. And the chick wasn’t even hot so there wasn’t that even. So now instead of finishing this I’m gonna spend an hour getting some Dr. Pepper and pretzel M&Ms. Also don’t try to convince the cops that there was someone else driving because no one’s gonna fucking buy that.
Okay that was fun, back to work.
Clemont’s glasses do that glowing white thing that every anime character who wears glasses does and says this would be the perfect time to test out his latest invention: The Muscle Mass Magnifying Machine! Clemont says he expected that they would run into a situation which would require such a device, and I guess he’s lucky that he’s right or he’d just look like an ass lugging that around. The boots even have an adorable little frog motif on them!
In this episode alone Clemont and Serena have proven themselves more useful than Ash’s other friends are in a whole season just by having dumb bullshit ready at the right time.
Clemont explains how his invention works in more words than I’m willing to type but basically it makes you jump higher. Clemont begins to offer a demonstration of his-
If that was the last time he ever appeared on the show I would never stop laughing.
Sanpei continues to show Ash his training regimen with Frogadier, which involves hopping around on a large mound of rocks. Sanpei tells Froakie to try and keep up with his Frogadier, while Sanpei imitates Frogadier’s movements while hopping back and forth, with Ash following suit. Bonnie copies them too but I don’t really give a shit about her.
So we got two of them hopping around in circles and the other two hopping back and forth. This is some riveting shit right here.
Standing before a lake, Sanpei tells them next he’s going to teach Froakie how to run over water. The twerps are in disbelief over what Sanpei is saying, claiming it’s impossible to run over water. But Frogadier says otherwise!
Man imagine if this episode aired back when all that controversy of Pokemon being Satanic was going on? They’d have a field day with this shit.
With Ash cheering him on, Froakie tries his hand at crossing the lake.
Hopefully there weren’t any girl Froakie watching.
Ash then declares it’s his turn! Then he falls right in the water.
Serena was watching and everything, Ash. Good job. Sanpei then tells him a little too late that even couldn’t run across water.
Sanpei explains that the secret to running across water is to move your feet quickly. They don’t mention this in the show but Sanpei is Japanese for “Captain Obvious”. Froakie tries to warm himself up by moving his legs really fast. Or maybe he’s showing how virile he is. I dunno.
All psyched up, Froakie gives it a second shot!
Goddammit Froakie. Keep that up and Frogadier’s gonna come kick sand in your face and steal your girl. He tries this a few more times without improvement until Frogadier’s just like bitch c’monnnn.
Okay you can’t even count that, he’s just repeating his animation cels from like two minutes ago.
Using all that frustration from being shown up, Froakie manages to finally run across the surface of the lake! If only girls were watching.
Oh gee I wonder who it is
It’s Team Rocket! It seems that Team Rocket can’t stop fawning over this ninja schmuck’s Frogadier either. Meowth then decides to nab it. “We’ll put together a ninja Pokemon posse and Froakie and Frogadier will be the stars!”
You know I never put much thought into it before but what the hell is Meowth’s deal? It’s like every Goddamn episode it’s another thing with him, he can never keep him focus on a single Pokemon for 22 minutes. Today it’s ninjas, tomorrow he’s gonna want to make a fortune selling shaved ice, then it’s gonna be sabotaging peoples’ electronics so they’ll hire him to fix them. Can cats have ADHD? I’ll need to Google this. Whatever. WOOOOOOOBBBBBUFFET!
During the commercial break there’s a commercial for an odor-sealing kitty litter and to test its strength this housewife hides a full litterbox under her coffee table and invites her friends over and then shocks them when in the middle of their conversation she pulls out the pan full of kitty shit and puts it on top of the coffee table. Any normal person would call this woman crazy and leave, but fortunately her friends all seem to be as insane as she is and can’t seem to get enough of this fan-fucking-tastic shit-holding sand. Women are fucking nuts.
Even his stock art looks smug holy shit.
Ash asks Sanpei what’s next on the list for their training, but before Sanpei can start, his stomach begins to growl, much to his embarrassment. I never understood why every person in an anime who shows signs of hunger feels embarrassed over the fact. Is skipping lunch in Japan as socially unacceptable at ripping one or something?
Fun fact: In Japan, women will flush the toilet while in a public bathroom to mask the sound of them farting, because it’s even less socially acceptable than it is anywhere else. However, this caused Japan to waste a TON of water, so public bathrooms installed buttons women could press that would emulate the sound of a flushing toilet. Ya see I try to give you a bit of education here. You can whip out these fun facts at parties and entertain your friends and intimidate enemies with your knowledge.
So the twerps decide to break for lunch, with Clemont volunteering to do the cooking (they don’t show how but I wanna say he uses some science bullshit to do it) and Serena says she’ll make the dessert. The following scene involves Sanpei losing his shit over basic food like fried noodles and cookies, saying he had heard about them in his ninja village, but has never eaten them. Perhaps living in a ninja village makes you more sheltered than you’d expect?
After lunch, the twerps and Sanpei all rest in a circle, while Sanpei tells him about the ninja village he comes from, as well as his family. He tells them about his eldest brother, Ippei, the strongest ninja in their village, who lives with his Greninja. His brother, Nihei, also lives there, with his Venusaur. This is the part of the episode where I started to think “we’re gonna be seeing this dude again”.
“So there’s Ippei, there’s Nihei, and there’s Sanpei?” Bonnie says, laughing at a joke that doesn’t work in English. Or maybe she’s just laughing at their dumb names, who knows. Sanpei then explains that it’s his goal to defeat his brothers in battle and earn the title of strongest ninja in his village. Ash sympathizes with Sanpei’s bloodthirsty nature towards his brothers, likening it to his goal to be a Pokemon master.
Afterwards, Sanpei teaches Ash and Froakie how to jump from tree branch to tree branch. Ash and Froakie get the hang of it pretty quickly, but then they get too ahead of themselves and end up jumping off the cliff face they were on. Sanpei saves them before they hit the ground by throwing some rope at them that magically makes a knot around Ash’s torso and stops them from falling. This scene is over now.
And finally, Sanpei shows them how they work on their Quick Attack. Ash is exicted because they get to practice their move now, and I’m excited because there’s only five minutes left. Sanpei demonstrates how they work their Quick Attack- by crashing into a fucking boulder.
I don’t know when running into solid stone would ever come into play when being a ninja but okay.
Clemont then says he realizes Quick Attack is so powerful because it’s done with so much speed. Wait, he’s just now getting this? Him, the smartest guy in the group, just realized QUICK Attack is powerful because it’s FAST? Jesus, Clemont.
Next Froakie tries the same thing Frogadier did, though the boulder remains in one piece. The good news is Froakie’s not dead from hitting a boulder at ramming speed. The bad news is the boulder still stands. In the eyes of a ninja, death would have been preferable.
Sanpei says Froakie’s still not doing it with enough speed, so Froakie gives it a second shot, but fails again. C’mon Froakie I thought Water-types were strong against Rock-types.
Imagine if this was the first exercise they did and Ash still thought he had to do all the same training Froakie did? That would have been a delightfully dark end to the series.
Frogadier asks Froakie to stand aside, requesting to show him how a real man does a Quick Attack. Froakie’s ready to lose his shit again when suddenly-
How the hell did nobody see that?
A beam of light shoots out from the giant coin, as we hear the familiar voices of the real reason we watch this show.
“Prepare for trouble, hold on for dear life!”
“And make it double, the serium’s strife(?)!”
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To unite all people within our nation!”
“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
“To extend our reach to the stars above!”
“Jesse!”
“And it’s James.”
“Team Rocket, stealthily blasts off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now, or prepare for one ninja-esque fight!”
“Meowth, that’s right!”
“WOOOOOOOBUFFET!”
Yay! It’s Team Rocket! And they’re in their newest machine, that combines the stealth and agility of a ninja, with the size and conspicuity of a giant robot. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m missing some important lore about the Pokemon world here, where in the Pokemon world ninja aren’t stealthy assassins, just loud people in colorful jumpsuits with superpowers. It sounds better than me complaining about ninjas. Team Rocket then declare that they’re here to steal Froakie and Frogadier.
James: “Now we’re here to add Froakie and Frogadier to our evil Pokemon ranks!”
Meowth: “We’ll catch ‘em right now then the boss will say thanks!”
The Meowth robot uses a blinding light from the medallion on its forehead as a distraction, then tries to grab the two frog Pokemon with its rocket arm. Blinding lights prove to be ineffective against the two dudes who never open their friggin’ eyes. Frogadier then shoots his frubbles at the mecha-Meowth’s medallion, shrouding the light.
“MY HAIR’S FROSTED!” Meowth yells, making the semen joke for me this time. Sanpei then tells Ash Froakie and Frogadier need to combine their efforts to stop Team Rocket, and so Ash decides that’s what they’ll do.
James: “Well, I prefer a part.”
Jesse: “Separate them!”
Meowth: “Don’t sweat it! Ya gotta keep ‘em separated!”
HAIR JOKES. Followed by… An Offspring joke? I think? I’m runnin’ on fumes here man cut me some slack
Froakie and Frogadier combine forces to take down the Meowth robot, but their plan of “Running at it in circles” fails before Team Rocket’s plan of “Shoot stuff”, and Frogadier gets captured.
Ash tells Pikachu to cut Frogadier free with an Iron Tail, but Meowth is like fuckin’ Spider-Man up in here with all these nets.
With Froakie being the only one left, it’s up to him to save the day. Meowth tries to stop him with some giant shuriken, but all of Froakie’s training has finally come into play, because suddenly…
Froakie learned Double Team! Sure! Whatever!
Now Meowth finds himself unable to pick which is the real Froakie, and then Froakie hits them with a Water Pulse. Then it’s sort of implied that Pikachu and Frogadier are freed as a result because Ash tell Pikachu to use Thunderbolt and he’s no longer trapped. Ash and Sanpei then have Froakie and Frogadier combine forces and send Team Rocket flying with a Water Pulse.
“We’re blasting off agaaaaaain!”
“WOOOOOOOOBUFFET!”
I forgot how much I missed Wobbuffet.
So it’s dusk now which means the episode is ending. Sanpei says he and Frogadier owe Ash a debt of gratitude, but Ash expresses his thanks to Sanpei. If it weren’t for him, Froakie wouldn’t have learned Double Team. Ash and Sanpei agree to meet again and battle again someday.
Fuck I should probably end this with a joke. Ummm… From behind, Froakie’s eyes look kinda like a butt.
As our episode begins the camera pans down from the sky over a mountain range, and we hear Ash cheer on his Froakie between the sounds of explosions as Froakie shoots… Something… At these trees.
TV-Y7 my ass.
Ash then commands Froakie to use Bubble. Froakie, so confident in his abilities, doesn’t even need to keep his eyes open as he does, just doing all this balla-ass acrobatic shit and shooting bubbles like some obnoxious parade clown without even opening his eyelids (or maybe its pupils are just horizontal? I mean look at its eyes. Clearly no eyelids).
Then he finishes with a Water Pulse that he fires at a boulder atop a cliff, which manages to split it in two. All this he manages to do with his eyes shut. Clearly this Froakie is HOT shit!
Oh wait it’s a water type never mind that that didn’t work
Suddenly, a voice calls out to Ash and Froakie from behind, “You still have much work to do…” Finally finding a reason to open his eyes, Froakie hones in on the voice and reacts how anyone would, by shooting white goo in the general area of danger.
You know I came in not knowing how I was gonna pick out dodgy shit in this show but it practically writes itself.
Froakie’s frog-goo reveals the source of the voice- a ninja!
Oh yes, I’ve read about the classic ninja art of “blow your cover and then take a direct hit from the target you’re spying on”. Clearly the writers have brushed up on their ninjutsu.
I was gonna make a joke here about me not knowing who Clemont, Serena and Bonnie were and confusing them with Brock, Dawn and Max but then I realized it wasn’t gonna be funny so I didn’t do it. Actually that’s the entire reason I wrote that intro paragraph. I don’t want there to be any secrets between you and I, dear reader.
Anyway Bonnie surprisingly exclaims that he’s a ninja. The ninja then performs another classic ninja skill; shouting out the name of your attack. “And now, NINJA LEAF SHROUD!” I’m starting to wonder if this dude’s actually a ninja or is just a TV version of that weird kid from high school who watched too much anime.
Whew I just reached two pages in Word and I’ve only got- fuck I’m not even a minute into this.
Ash then gives us the most awkward segue into the (surprisingly rockin’) theme song as he exclaims that the ninja disappeared. Little does Ash know that he’s about to receive…
The gang of twerps stares dumbfounded at the tree the ninja was camouflaged at, wondering where he could have gone. Everyone except Froakie, that is. Froakie stopped giving a shit already (I usually stop caring about people after I shoot white goo on them, too).
The ninja blows his cover a second fucking time when he decides to shake around in the very noisy bush he’s hiding in, causing Froakie to react by shooting his frubbles at it (I’m done with these “white goo” jokes and I’m just gonna call those frubbles what they are, I’m not gonna top that last joke), but then the bush counters with its own frubbles! Ash and Froakie run to the bush. Ash finds nothing, but Froakie seems to know out of instinct to shoot the pile of leaves right next to them (is it next to them? I can’t fucking tell). Before his attack connects, something hops out of the leaves, and right up into a tree!
“Frog.”
“Who’s THAT Pokemon?” Ash asks. I don’t know either, but I bet it’s gonna be the centerpoint of this episode.
Ash pulls out his Pokedex, which tells him that it’s Frogadier, the Bubble Frog Pokemon, and the evolved form of Froakie. Ya see, this here’s good writing. Notice how they didn’t make Frogadier say its whole name, just “Frog”? Because if he said his whole name and then had Ash’s Pokedex explain it to you again, it would come off as patronizing to the viewer. These are the sort of literary tricks I look for in children’s shows, like that episode of Barney that argues for the finer points of Communism. I wrote a term paper on that. It was a work of genius but I got an F on it because every part of it was made up.
Not even two minutes in yet FUCK ME.
The Pokedex entry goes on to say that Frogadier’s speed is unmatched, and that it can climb a tower over 2,000 feet tall in only one minute. What it doesn’t say is that Frogadier wrote his own Pokedex entry.
“The evolved form of Froakie?” Ash wonders, looking down at Froakie, imagining that he could be the proud owner of a beast as magnificent as that sexy Frogadier. Just to show off how much better he is than Froakie, Frogadier also does an impressive acrobatic display without the use of his eyesight, with this clearly not-by-the-books ninja soon following suit, easily impressing Bonnie.
The ninja introduces himself as Sanpei, as he displays his third ancient ninja art, hanging out in broad daylight in ninja gear, telling people your name, and also saying that you’re a ninja (adding that he’s “young and skillful”, though I bet only one of those is true).
Everyone in the group is as impressed over Sanpei as a Freshman girl dating a guy with his driver’s license, and Ash requests that his Froakie and Sanpei’s Frogadier battle. Sanpei acts like a smug bitch (again, kinda like those dudes in high school who watched too much anime) and suggests that Ash’s Froakie isn’t skilled enough to battle Frogadier. This immediately sets off Ash and his Froakie, and they DEMAND a battle against Sanpei. Only about 150 seconds in and we already got shit poppin’ off here.
The battle is about to begin against the background of a crashing waterfall (which symbolizes power, I guess) as Clemont refs on the side.
Y’know, I never thought about it before, but I find it fascinating how many Gym Leaders Ash has made into his fucking water boy. He did it to Brock and I guess he did it to Cilan, and now he’s done it to Clemont (which I realized I’ve been pronouncing wrong this whole time). I bet he doesn’t even need to tell him to do this, he’s just sorta trained him by now. Is a referee even necessary in a friendly battle like this? No, Ash is just doing this to make sure he keeps ‘em in check.
Anyway the battle starts.
Pikachu is oddly in this shot despite not being the one to fight.
Sanpei, so confident in his abilities, lets Ash make the first move. Ash commands Froakie to use Bubble, and Sanpei commands his Frogadier dodge it. Frogadier then runs out of the line of fire and jumps into a tree, and Serena gasps at the frog’s speed (because you need a lot of effort to dodge Bubbles, I guess?). Ash decides to compete with Frogadier’s speed and tells Froakie to chase after it and use Pound, but Frogadier dodges again!
I wanna get a tally going of every time someone tells their Pokemon to dodge in this show. When am I gonna get to dodge everything in the games, huh? When, Obama? WHEN?
Froakie continues to chase after Frogadier and they do that “ninjas running though tree branches” shot that they all do. Froakie tries hitting Frogadier with a Water Pulse, but Frogadier vanishes with SmokeScreen, which gives Sanpei more shit to be smug about. Ash tells Froakie to concentrate and try to hone in on Frogadier. Froakie closes his eyes and does some Daredevil shit to try to sense his surroundings. Froakie hones in on something, and then fires off a Water Pulse!
Guess Froakie’s pretty good at finding wood, huh? Ha ha, ha, heh. Heh. Ughhhh…
God I’m not gonna do a play-by-play of this. Frogadier jumps out of the lake and then makes quick work of Froakie, first by outdoing every attack that Froakie throws at it, and then by taking it out with an impressive Quick Attack. Sanpei declares the battle to be over, saying that no one has ever been able to take a hit from his Frogadier’s Quick Attack and continue battling (it probably helps him if he’s the one who always declares the battle to be over). Meanwhile Frogadier takes not of what Sanpei just said. He’s gonna call the place in charge of PokeDex records and make sure they add that to his.
Froakie decides he ain’t havin’ any of that shit though, and staggers back up to his feet, insisting on continuing the fight. Sanpei, even though he was the one to declare the match over, orders Frogadier to hit him with Quick Attack again, then instantly regrets his decision as he gets Froakie out of the way with another Ninja Leaf Shroud.
Ash takes the loss rather tough. As he’s nursing Froakie back to health, Ash apologizes to his Pokemon, saying the reason they lost is because he couldn’t come up with a good enough strategy. Sanpei, who’s still here for some reason, comes right up to Ash and agrees with him. I can’t think of anything clever to say here but honestly? Fuck this guy.
Before Ash loses his shit Sanpei comes up and offers Ash an Energy Root compound to give to Froakie to make him heal faster. Is it really smart for them to be showing Ash just accepting herbs from a stranger? Last time I did that I lost a kidney.
Fortunately Froakie keeps his kidneys (frog ones aren’t so valuable), but he reacts the same way that I did.
Sanpei and his Frogadier are about to leave, probably needing to get to their Anime Club meeting, when Ash stops him. Swallowing his pride, Ash says “Please… Show me how you did it.”
Oh, he’s talking about Frogadier’s Quick Attack. Context is really important for that line, especially considering I’m a pervert.
Ash asks Sanpei to teach his Froakie how to use Quick Attack the same way his Frogadier did, going so far as to bow his head in respect as he asks this. Froakie follows suit, but I’m not sure he likes it.
Sanpei accepts their request, but warns them that his training methods are very strict, but this doesn’t deter Ash. Bonnie then interjects and says she wants to be a ninja, too. Serena says to leave that to her.
It’s a good thing Serena had these on her (?) This is also the first and last time Serena does anything worthwhile this episode, while Bonnie gets the prestigious part of “filling up dead air”.
Beginning their training regimen, Sanpei says that it’s important to develop strong, flexible muscles in order to effectively use Quick Attack.
Hey guys real talk for a minute here? Don’t drink and drive. I’m not the preachy type but we got a call for a car accident by some drunk chick just now while I was in the middle of writing this and it totally ruined my flow. And the chick wasn’t even hot so there wasn’t that even. So now instead of finishing this I’m gonna spend an hour getting some Dr. Pepper and pretzel M&Ms. Also don’t try to convince the cops that there was someone else driving because no one’s gonna fucking buy that.
Okay that was fun, back to work.
Clemont’s glasses do that glowing white thing that every anime character who wears glasses does and says this would be the perfect time to test out his latest invention: The Muscle Mass Magnifying Machine! Clemont says he expected that they would run into a situation which would require such a device, and I guess he’s lucky that he’s right or he’d just look like an ass lugging that around. The boots even have an adorable little frog motif on them!
In this episode alone Clemont and Serena have proven themselves more useful than Ash’s other friends are in a whole season just by having dumb bullshit ready at the right time.
Clemont explains how his invention works in more words than I’m willing to type but basically it makes you jump higher. Clemont begins to offer a demonstration of his-
If that was the last time he ever appeared on the show I would never stop laughing.
Sanpei continues to show Ash his training regimen with Frogadier, which involves hopping around on a large mound of rocks. Sanpei tells Froakie to try and keep up with his Frogadier, while Sanpei imitates Frogadier’s movements while hopping back and forth, with Ash following suit. Bonnie copies them too but I don’t really give a shit about her.
So we got two of them hopping around in circles and the other two hopping back and forth. This is some riveting shit right here.
Standing before a lake, Sanpei tells them next he’s going to teach Froakie how to run over water. The twerps are in disbelief over what Sanpei is saying, claiming it’s impossible to run over water. But Frogadier says otherwise!
Man imagine if this episode aired back when all that controversy of Pokemon being Satanic was going on? They’d have a field day with this shit.
With Ash cheering him on, Froakie tries his hand at crossing the lake.
Hopefully there weren’t any girl Froakie watching.
Ash then declares it’s his turn! Then he falls right in the water.
Serena was watching and everything, Ash. Good job. Sanpei then tells him a little too late that even couldn’t run across water.
Sanpei explains that the secret to running across water is to move your feet quickly. They don’t mention this in the show but Sanpei is Japanese for “Captain Obvious”. Froakie tries to warm himself up by moving his legs really fast. Or maybe he’s showing how virile he is. I dunno.
All psyched up, Froakie gives it a second shot!
Goddammit Froakie. Keep that up and Frogadier’s gonna come kick sand in your face and steal your girl. He tries this a few more times without improvement until Frogadier’s just like bitch c’monnnn.
Okay you can’t even count that, he’s just repeating his animation cels from like two minutes ago.
Using all that frustration from being shown up, Froakie manages to finally run across the surface of the lake! If only girls were watching.
Oh gee I wonder who it is
It’s Team Rocket! It seems that Team Rocket can’t stop fawning over this ninja schmuck’s Frogadier either. Meowth then decides to nab it. “We’ll put together a ninja Pokemon posse and Froakie and Frogadier will be the stars!”
You know I never put much thought into it before but what the hell is Meowth’s deal? It’s like every Goddamn episode it’s another thing with him, he can never keep him focus on a single Pokemon for 22 minutes. Today it’s ninjas, tomorrow he’s gonna want to make a fortune selling shaved ice, then it’s gonna be sabotaging peoples’ electronics so they’ll hire him to fix them. Can cats have ADHD? I’ll need to Google this. Whatever. WOOOOOOOBBBBBUFFET!
During the commercial break there’s a commercial for an odor-sealing kitty litter and to test its strength this housewife hides a full litterbox under her coffee table and invites her friends over and then shocks them when in the middle of their conversation she pulls out the pan full of kitty shit and puts it on top of the coffee table. Any normal person would call this woman crazy and leave, but fortunately her friends all seem to be as insane as she is and can’t seem to get enough of this fan-fucking-tastic shit-holding sand. Women are fucking nuts.
Even his stock art looks smug holy shit.
Ash asks Sanpei what’s next on the list for their training, but before Sanpei can start, his stomach begins to growl, much to his embarrassment. I never understood why every person in an anime who shows signs of hunger feels embarrassed over the fact. Is skipping lunch in Japan as socially unacceptable at ripping one or something?
Fun fact: In Japan, women will flush the toilet while in a public bathroom to mask the sound of them farting, because it’s even less socially acceptable than it is anywhere else. However, this caused Japan to waste a TON of water, so public bathrooms installed buttons women could press that would emulate the sound of a flushing toilet. Ya see I try to give you a bit of education here. You can whip out these fun facts at parties and entertain your friends and intimidate enemies with your knowledge.
So the twerps decide to break for lunch, with Clemont volunteering to do the cooking (they don’t show how but I wanna say he uses some science bullshit to do it) and Serena says she’ll make the dessert. The following scene involves Sanpei losing his shit over basic food like fried noodles and cookies, saying he had heard about them in his ninja village, but has never eaten them. Perhaps living in a ninja village makes you more sheltered than you’d expect?
After lunch, the twerps and Sanpei all rest in a circle, while Sanpei tells him about the ninja village he comes from, as well as his family. He tells them about his eldest brother, Ippei, the strongest ninja in their village, who lives with his Greninja. His brother, Nihei, also lives there, with his Venusaur. This is the part of the episode where I started to think “we’re gonna be seeing this dude again”.
“So there’s Ippei, there’s Nihei, and there’s Sanpei?” Bonnie says, laughing at a joke that doesn’t work in English. Or maybe she’s just laughing at their dumb names, who knows. Sanpei then explains that it’s his goal to defeat his brothers in battle and earn the title of strongest ninja in his village. Ash sympathizes with Sanpei’s bloodthirsty nature towards his brothers, likening it to his goal to be a Pokemon master.
Afterwards, Sanpei teaches Ash and Froakie how to jump from tree branch to tree branch. Ash and Froakie get the hang of it pretty quickly, but then they get too ahead of themselves and end up jumping off the cliff face they were on. Sanpei saves them before they hit the ground by throwing some rope at them that magically makes a knot around Ash’s torso and stops them from falling. This scene is over now.
And finally, Sanpei shows them how they work on their Quick Attack. Ash is exicted because they get to practice their move now, and I’m excited because there’s only five minutes left. Sanpei demonstrates how they work their Quick Attack- by crashing into a fucking boulder.
I don’t know when running into solid stone would ever come into play when being a ninja but okay.
Clemont then says he realizes Quick Attack is so powerful because it’s done with so much speed. Wait, he’s just now getting this? Him, the smartest guy in the group, just realized QUICK Attack is powerful because it’s FAST? Jesus, Clemont.
Next Froakie tries the same thing Frogadier did, though the boulder remains in one piece. The good news is Froakie’s not dead from hitting a boulder at ramming speed. The bad news is the boulder still stands. In the eyes of a ninja, death would have been preferable.
Sanpei says Froakie’s still not doing it with enough speed, so Froakie gives it a second shot, but fails again. C’mon Froakie I thought Water-types were strong against Rock-types.
Imagine if this was the first exercise they did and Ash still thought he had to do all the same training Froakie did? That would have been a delightfully dark end to the series.
Frogadier asks Froakie to stand aside, requesting to show him how a real man does a Quick Attack. Froakie’s ready to lose his shit again when suddenly-
How the hell did nobody see that?
A beam of light shoots out from the giant coin, as we hear the familiar voices of the real reason we watch this show.
“Prepare for trouble, hold on for dear life!”
“And make it double, the serium’s strife(?)!”
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To unite all people within our nation!”
“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
“To extend our reach to the stars above!”
“Jesse!”
“And it’s James.”
“Team Rocket, stealthily blasts off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now, or prepare for one ninja-esque fight!”
“Meowth, that’s right!”
“WOOOOOOOBUFFET!”
Yay! It’s Team Rocket! And they’re in their newest machine, that combines the stealth and agility of a ninja, with the size and conspicuity of a giant robot. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m missing some important lore about the Pokemon world here, where in the Pokemon world ninja aren’t stealthy assassins, just loud people in colorful jumpsuits with superpowers. It sounds better than me complaining about ninjas. Team Rocket then declare that they’re here to steal Froakie and Frogadier.
James: “Now we’re here to add Froakie and Frogadier to our evil Pokemon ranks!”
Meowth: “We’ll catch ‘em right now then the boss will say thanks!”
The Meowth robot uses a blinding light from the medallion on its forehead as a distraction, then tries to grab the two frog Pokemon with its rocket arm. Blinding lights prove to be ineffective against the two dudes who never open their friggin’ eyes. Frogadier then shoots his frubbles at the mecha-Meowth’s medallion, shrouding the light.
“MY HAIR’S FROSTED!” Meowth yells, making the semen joke for me this time. Sanpei then tells Ash Froakie and Frogadier need to combine their efforts to stop Team Rocket, and so Ash decides that’s what they’ll do.
James: “Well, I prefer a part.”
Jesse: “Separate them!”
Meowth: “Don’t sweat it! Ya gotta keep ‘em separated!”
HAIR JOKES. Followed by… An Offspring joke? I think? I’m runnin’ on fumes here man cut me some slack
Froakie and Frogadier combine forces to take down the Meowth robot, but their plan of “Running at it in circles” fails before Team Rocket’s plan of “Shoot stuff”, and Frogadier gets captured.
Ash tells Pikachu to cut Frogadier free with an Iron Tail, but Meowth is like fuckin’ Spider-Man up in here with all these nets.
With Froakie being the only one left, it’s up to him to save the day. Meowth tries to stop him with some giant shuriken, but all of Froakie’s training has finally come into play, because suddenly…
Froakie learned Double Team! Sure! Whatever!
Now Meowth finds himself unable to pick which is the real Froakie, and then Froakie hits them with a Water Pulse. Then it’s sort of implied that Pikachu and Frogadier are freed as a result because Ash tell Pikachu to use Thunderbolt and he’s no longer trapped. Ash and Sanpei then have Froakie and Frogadier combine forces and send Team Rocket flying with a Water Pulse.
“We’re blasting off agaaaaaain!”
“WOOOOOOOOBUFFET!”
I forgot how much I missed Wobbuffet.
So it’s dusk now which means the episode is ending. Sanpei says he and Frogadier owe Ash a debt of gratitude, but Ash expresses his thanks to Sanpei. If it weren’t for him, Froakie wouldn’t have learned Double Team. Ash and Sanpei agree to meet again and battle again someday.
Fuck I should probably end this with a joke. Ummm… From behind, Froakie’s eyes look kinda like a butt.
